Staring at the wall heart pounding, mind racing, hands shaking, struggling for air, bead of sweat falls from my head, sinful eyes swell up with tears, the world begins to race by me swaying in and out of consciousness poison on my lips I can hear my phone vibrating, signaling me that I have messages I’m to afraid to read , just one more drink I tell myself one more drink and it will all go away the voices in my head the knot in my stomach the sadness in my heart I raise the bottle to my lips my eyes close and I’m gone…. I hear a knock on my door my eyes slowly open sensitive to the beautiful sun … oh sweet slumber the only journey I took last night. My sweet mothers voice, innocent children laughing, my little mutt longing for attention a promise I make to myself never shall I taste that poison again never shall I let the darkness cloud my mind
The hardest thing about realizing you don’t love me., is that you spent so much time pretending that you did.
The hardest thing in all of this is the pretending. Pretending that the past 3 years didn’t exist or didn’t matter .pretending that I didn’t do everything for you. Pretending like we didn’t know each other at all I know why I did it. I didn’t want to face it yet I didn’t want to show you how broken I am I needed to pretend just to get through the day i needed to act like nothing happened just for now. At first I didn’t get why you did it I mean this was your choice but then I looked in your eyes and realized you weren’t pretending you just didn’t care there was no sadness or remorse not even a hint of pain. I’m drowning in a sea of my emotions and your still sitting on the shore watching me slip beneath the waters watching me cry out for help you led me out here told me you wouldn’t let go yet here I am slowly sinking with nothing to hold onto but my regrets I can’t last much longer my energy is fading soon I’m gonna let it take me, the darkness I can hear it calling my name I can feel its hands grasping for me it’s icy breath in my ear telling me to let go. I can hear the ones I love screaming my name telling me to hold on that it will all be ok begging me not to give up to please just stay… I’m sorry are the last words I spoke as I take darkness by the hand and we swim away
The ability to see
So yesterday at work my contact fell out of my eye! And I can’t get into the eye doctor until Monday so I have to go all weekend without seeing. Last night at dinner I had to hold my menu like an inch away from my face needless to say i got lots of looks.
#1 movie of all time
Oh how i loathe ice
I literally have not left my house since Monday because of the thick layer of ice that covers everything. I think im going to lose my mind i have run out of books to read and movies to watch and i swear i have listened to every song on my ipod at least twice. what happened to global warming because i could sure use some of that right now. the worst part is that its not even fun slushy ice its boring, hard, slip and bust your ass when you try to walk on it ice. seriously i did it and it hurt like hell. afterwards i laid there like i was dead because i was so embarrassed . death by embarrassment glad its not possible.
